Today was bittersweet for me. My Nephrologist confirmed that I am in partial remission!!!! Basically my lupus is not flared up anymore (hence why I'm feeling better lately) but my kidneys are so once my kidneys are in check I will be in remission and as the labs showed today...I should be well on my way!
The bitter part..the doctor was not happy I have tapered to 2.5mgs of steroids. He wanted me to stop the taper at 10mgs and stay at that dose for awhile. SO...I am back up to 10mgs for another month before they taper me off them again. He said I tapered way too fast and that can cause me to flare up again and I would have go back to the beginning and start this over. Obviously I don't want that to happen so I'm back on 10. Arg! I was really hoping to be off steroids for the holidays as I want to be able to take pictures with me in them again!
As my baby is getting older...9 months already...I am starting to get sad that we won't have anymore kids, at least biologically. I am finding myself jealous of all my friends and strangers that are pregnant and wish I could experience that once more. I talked again with my doctor about this today and I know it would be life threatening for me to be pregnant again, however it's still sad. I really thought I had accepted this, but now I am starting to doubt it. I'm sure as Nolan gets older and older it is going to be harder for me to accept it. See how big he is getting....He's got a little owie on the nose...Daddy put him on the couch and walked away for a second and Nolan took a tumble. (I have lectured him since about not leaving a baby on a couch alone!!!!)
I can't believe I am actually posting these pictures below but I want to show you the effects of steroids. The picture to the left is me at my highest dose of steroids. You can see my super puffy cheeks and my double chin!!! The picture to the way right is me today on a low dose (2.5mg). There definitely is way more puffing that has to go down but it's starting to look better..right??? The picture below them is me in July (Only 4 months ago!!!!!!!!) right before I started on steroids. Big difference eh? Crazy how a drug can do that to your body. I hate steroids!!!
2 comments:
Anne,
I am still here, checking in on you.....
I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel about not having any more children. I am in a very similar boat since my daughter has a rare genetic condition that causes dwarfism with other complications. I get jealous, too, of other pregnant women. I so wish we would have another child. I long for it every single day.
I am sorry that you need to up your steroids. That sucks (yes, sucks). I think I understand how conscious you feel about the puffiness, but I hope you still take pictures at the holidays. I can tell you are a beautiful person inside and out.
Still thinking of you....
Sara
Thank you sara, that is really sweet.
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