I'm not sure if I am super happy or super confused....the doctors decided yesterday that I will stop chemo treatments. My body doesn't handle them very well so we have to move on to the next step. Part of me wants to jump up and down. No more chemo means no more hair loss, injections, 7 hours at the cancer center, no wigs, and a better chance at getting off steroids earlier. The other part of me is weary though because the drug they want to put me on has not been around as long, doesn't show to work as fast (So my whole remission in February might not be February anymore), and if this drug doesn't work...I go back on chemo and start the whole 6 months of chemo over again....Ross & I talked last night about getting a 2nd opinion at Mayo, however that is a whole big ordeal. I called the clinic there and it is a 3-5 day process so we would have to take off work for a week, get a hotel for a week, and get tests done all week long. With our crazy lives right now and with Nolan we just don't know if this could be possible.
I also told my doctor about my knee pain since it is getting worse. She looked at it and I have some fluid in my knees. I have to now get an MRI next week to make sure my bones have not started deteriorating from the steroids. (Apparently there is a small % where the steroids can deteriorate your bones and you will need joint replacement therapy if this is the case). These steroids are so bad for you, I hate that it is the only drug out there right now to treat me this way. I'm suppose to stop running and stay off my knees as much as possible for now. I'm really asking for some prayers on this one. Exercise is how I relieve a lot of my stress and I love to run. I do not want this taken away from me. I feel like my identity is slowing being taken from me. My looks, my body, the things I like to do, my self-esteem. I'm going to be left with nothing but a drug filled empty body pretty soon.
I'm really trying to hold on to my faith as I know God will take care of me and this road he has me on will only make me a stronger and better person.
"So don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time." Matthew 6:34
5 comments:
Anne,
your always in our prayers....hang in there.
Anne i also recite that verse! It's so very true! It's easy to keep thinking about the future and not about the day in front of us. We have to get together soon again! It was so good to see you!!
Still checking in on you and praying for you.....Your feelings are so valid. I hope you get some answers soon and some of the stress goes away.
Sending hugs, prayers, and ju-ju,
Sara
I love reading your blog, Anne. You look beautiful in your "night out" picture. Although I haven't seen you in a long time, you're in my thoughts daily. Hang in there!
Kristin Pengra
Keep your head up! Your a strong woman and you will get through this!
Let's get together soon! Miss you!
Love, Meredith
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