Thankful

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I felt a Thankful post was due! I have so much to be thankful for I don't even know where to start!!!

1. First and foremost, I am thankful for my husband. He is an amazing, supportive, caring, loving husband and I could have never asked for more! He is such a hard worker and even though there are some days I really hate being alone all the time, I know he is doing it to help us and someday will pay off.

2. I am thankful for my son. (& Step son). They keep me young and give me so much joy. I cannot imagine my life without them and never in a million years thought I would have two boys. I thought for sure I would always have girls!

3. I am thankful for my job. In these trying times of the economy, it truly is a blessing to still have a job!

4. I am thankful for our Country and the people who serve our country.

5. I am thankful we have found a church in our new community that we love and that loves us! We just become members last week!

6. I am thankful for all of my friends! I don't get as much time to spend with them now that I have a family but miss them and love them just as much as before!

7. I am thankful for our home. There are a lot of people these days that do not have one.

8. I am thankful for my health. I never know if it will last another day.

9. I am thankful for my parents as they are the ones who have molded me into the person I am today. They are amazing people!

10. I am thankful for God. And the life he has given me.

What are you thankful for this year?

The Calling

My life is about to dramatically change.

Forever.

Come June 4th, 2011 I will embark on my first ever mission trip to...

Guatemala!

Right when we think life can't possibly get any crazier, I am taking on this new venture and making it even crazier!

How did it all start you ask??

Well....here is my story.

It all started years ago. I have always wanted to do a mission trip. Ross and I talked about going on one when we were older. Like retirement age. Kids grown up and out of the house. No jobs. Lots of free time. Perfect...right?

Well...a few weeks ago I woke up in the morning with a burst of energy flying through my body. I was smiling ear to ear all morning and was on "cloud nine." The reason? I was being called. Called to serve the Lord. Called to help others in need. Called to leave my home. My family. The comforts of my own home. and take on the challenge of helping others in need. I have never had this "feeling" before. This huge desire that I HAD to do this and had to do it now. And alone. I was being called by God to do this alone. Not bring Ross. Not bring the kids. Alone.

So, I called my church and asked if they knew of any mission trips coming up. The secretary didn't know anything about them but said she would pass on my information to the pastor to see if he knew of any. That evening I went home and went onto facebook and I see my step brother in law's facebook status talking about hosting a Guatemala trip in June and starting to get ready for it. I sent him a message about it and within ten minutes my inbox was filled with applications and information on Guatemala 2011. You cannot tell me this is a coincidence.

The paperwork is filled out and mailed and in 8 months I will be embarking on a new journey. A journey of love. faith. hope.

Now, this may all seem crazy to all of you and honestly, it is to me too. I am a very organized person. I have my life planned out to a "t." However, how I envision my life is not always how God envisions my life. I always pictured my life to be perfect. Healthy, two kids, a husband that works normal hours, a job I love, etc. I've ended up with a lifelong diagnosis, one child, one step child, a husband with about 4 jobs, a stressful, busy job and a life of craziness. And here is God again, upsetting my "vision" of a life.

I'm scared. Really, really, really scared. Leaving my son. My husband. My step son. for 9 whole days!!! I have never done this. And alone. Going into a country I have never been to. I don't speak their language and living with a "team" of people I have never met and will spend every waking hour with for 9 whole days!!

So...I have been praying a lot. Praying for God to give me the strength to take on this wonderful challenge. I know it will be amazing. I know I will be changed forever. I know this will be the most amazing opportunity of my life and I'm ready.

So there it is! So please, I ask for your prayers as I accept this new journey in my life. Please pray I get the strength to accept this journey and be excited about it and not be scared. I ask your prayers as I try to learn some Spanish before I go there. I ask for prayers for comfort and peace and stability and be ok leaving my family for 9 whole days!!!

I will keep you posted with many Guatemala details these next 8 months!

Updates

I can't believe October is almost over with. Fall is literally flying by this year! A few weekends ago I ran the Becker 5K Halloween 5K race. It was an extremely hard race consisting of running on cross country trails! Most of it was hills, leaves and sand. Basically everything I'm not used to running in!! I finished 7th in my age group (which was out of 20) which wasn't horrible! Really dreading the rest of the fall/winter treadmill running.

Ross & I recently booked a trip for the two of us to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for 1/1/11! We are so excited and can't believe it is only 2 months away already!

I have been doing excellent health-wise but lately I have been so tired. I tacked it up to just being busy, not sleeping as well, etc. However, I went to the doctor for my quarterly visit last week and did a urinalysis and they found a "massive" amount of red blood cells in my urine. This is very unusual for me. It could be anything from a UTI to a bladder infection or kidney problems, etc. They aren't really sure at this time so the next step is re-testing me. I will be going back next Monday for a re-test. I'm really hoping that it was just a "fluke" and my tiredness and the red blood cells are not a sign of something worse.

Lastly, I just completed the book "Love and War" . What an amazing book. Every married and soon to be married couple should read it. Honestly, my views on marriage have forever changed and I will never be the same after reading it. I would highly recommend. The book starts out slow but once you get half way through it gets to be much easier reading. Especially if you have never read a Christian book, it can seem "boring" at first. But, I highly advise you to keep going and you will be throughly impressed! The next book I will be starting is called "Purpose driven life" This book is asking you "why are you here?" "What is your purpose in life" "Why did God put you here on Earth?" I'm excited to dig into this book and will share my reviews of it once I complete it!

Have a wonderful rest of October!

The Sign I was waiting for

Today I had my 4 month check up with my rheumatologist. Everything looks great as expected. She then goes, "Well, are we ready for the baby talk?" ................

I wish I could have seen my face when she said this. I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped. I guess I was so surprised because even though I had 100% planned on talking to her about getting pregnant at today's appt, I had almost chickened out knowing that as long as I don't talk to her about it, it's not 100% a "no" yet. Logical thinking on my part, right?

I then asked her if she has been talking to Dr. Anjum (My nephrologist that I talked to a few months ago about having another baby). She goes, "no, why?" "The only reason I'm asking is because your son is almost three. That's usually the time when people start figuring out if they want another one."

Well the news was not good. It was not what I wanted at all but honestly, I expected it so I wasn't shocked. She is mailing me some more information but some quick statistics she told me are as follows:

-75% or greater chance of having a miscarriage

-Almost 100% chance of having a lupus flare up during pregnancy which would result in me being put on high doses of steroids

-Getting off a few of my medications and switching to one chemo type drug.

-and she's not 100% sure my kidneys could handle another pregnancy

She told me she cannot tell me "no." This has to be Ross & I's decision but it is her job to give me the necessary information to help make up our decision. So, instead of being upset I am looking at this like it is just the sign I was asking for and praying to God for.

There have been a few adoption meetings at our church lately so Ross and I might stop in and see what those are all about but for now I think we are going to be laying low on this subject for awhile. So with that said, you won't be seeing a "baby" blog post for awhile.

And if I am meant to just have Nolan, so be it. He's happy, healthy, and the sunshine in my life everyday.

Little Blessings

There have been so many little blessings in our life lately I just had to share!


We are expecting two more neices or nephews in 2011! One is due in February and one is due in April! (Sister in law's on Ross's side) We are so excited for these babies to come and wish both of the mommies a happy and healthy pregnancy!!!


A few weeks ago Ross received direct contact from his birth sister who he has never met!!! (She was given up for adoption 38 years ago because her parents were too young to take care of her). We are excited to build a relationship with her and learn more about her! We feel God played a huge part in this process of finding her. Sometime maybe I will tell the whole story but will wait for now. It will give you goosebumps though, I'll leave it to that.


Ok..these were more than just little blessings. These are HUGE blessings!!!


As the fall leaves are turning, the weather getting cooler and the football fans getting louder, I realize that yet again another year is coming vastly to a close and I am getting closer to celebrating two years in complete remission. Though two years may not seem very long to some, it is centuries to me. Years that have given me back that spark in life, that drive, and the energy to "Seize the Day."


Yet again, this is the very thing that could possibly be taken away from me if we choose to have another baby biologically. The selfish thing that I don't think I'm ready to give up...my health. This has been so heavy in my heart lately and I feel I need to talk openly about it on my blog to get it off my chest. I wake up some days feeling like my family is not complete and knowing that God has a plan for us to expand it someday. But then, some other days I wake up and feel complete. Our family is what it is, and we are 100% content with it. This is God's plan for us and I have accepted that. I hate being torn. I feel like there should be a strong urge one way or the other, but there's not. Maybe God isn't ready for us to make that decision yet. Maybe I feel the pressure to make that decision so soon because Nolan is turning three in February. Or Ross turning 30 in June. Or me turning 28 next July. Or me being healthy at this point in my life. I don't know....


Either way, I'm asking God to lead me into the right direction. I am asking for the strength and direction and if I am meant to be a mother a second time, I will be one. And if I'm meant to be just a Mother to Nolan and a Step-Mother to Ian, I will be just that and I will be 100% happy with that.

Please pray that this decision that God makes for us is accepted with open arms by not only myself but my husband.

Happy Fall to everyone!

Lupus Walk 2010

Yesterday was the 2010 Lupus Walk. We had beautiful weather and a great turn out! On my website, it's showing my team raised $340, however I know some people turned in donations that day and those haven't been accounted for yet. I think my team alone did about $400.00 which is awesome! THANK YOU to everyone who came out and walked and who donated online!!! Here are a few pictures from yesterday:

" I will never do that when I have kids"

Have you ever heard someone say this before?

I am a poster child for that saying. I remember me saying that a ton before having children. I thought for sure I would be the perfect mom with the perfect kids and the perfect husband in the perfect house! Well, come on, don't we all?

Anyways, one of the most vivid memories of me saying this is regarding buying my children a power wheel. You know, those annoying little mobile cars that go like 3mph? They come in trucks, cars, 4 wheelers, even john Deere tractors and riding lawn mowers now!

I used to always say I would never buy my kids one because once you buy them one, they will never ride their bike. Well, I have once again caved in, and this "toy" was supposed to be Nolan's Christmas present, but once I got it home there was no way I could keep it a secret for 3.5 more months! After seeing his eyes light up when I showed him it, It was all worth it and my "I'll never do that when I have kids" was once again out the window.

Luckily this 2.5 year old still has 13.5 more years until he can drive. He is a crazy driver!!!